Best man speech nerves: how to deal with them

I’m often asked about dealing with best man speech nerves.

Why? Because I’ve delivered three.

Doing it once, for most people, is bad enough.

The pressure to be funny without being offensive.

To leave the audience wanting more rather than overstaying your welcome.

And the desire to come across as confident rather than nervous.

Here are three tips to get you in the right frame of mind.

1. Tell yourself that you’re excited

Trust me on this.

If you tell yourself that you’re nervous, you’ll feel nervous.

Instead, tell yourself that you’re excited.

Because nerves and excitement are two sides of the same coin.

Athletes and artists often admit to nerves before a performance.

Why? Because they care. They want to do a good job.

The same will be true for you.

You want to do well.

But here’s something important to remember.

The audience also wants you to do well.

They’re primed to laugh out loud at your jokes.

They want to enjoy your stories.

So remind yourself of that.

And tell yourself all day that you’re excited to be giving the speech.

2. Take your time

Alright, so we know that when you’re standing up to speak, there will be nervous energy.

A surge of adrenaline. Sweaty hands. A dry throat.

All totally normal.

Unfortunately, a by-product of that energy is the speed of your speech.

Presenters and speakers typically start speaking at 100mph.

The impact of the jokes and the punchlines gets lost.

All because it came out too fast.

So work on the speed when you’re speaking it out loud in advance.

You’re aiming for three words a second.

That’s the speed of a news reader.

It gives everyone time to absorb each word.

And gives you time to deliver the full impact of every line.

3. Speak up and smile

If I close my eyes and picture a best man mid-speech, I have a clear image.

It’s someone with their head down, reading from a piece of paper. 

Basically, the image above.

We need to change this.

A speaker who is reading a script is going to fail to fully engage a room.

It’s even tougher for a speaker whose head is tilted down.

Instead, they need to look up and make eye contact with the people around them.

Yes, this bit is difficult.

You’ve got jokes you need to hit.

But this is where confidence comes in.

Audiences far prefer people whose confidence exudes from their body language.

Someone who is making eye contact and smiling, even if they stumble over their words, is preferable to a word-perfect robot.

Sacrifice being perfect for being personable.

So speak up, and smile.

Best man speech nerves

There’s a lot that goes into the perfect best man’s speech.

If you want independent feedback on yours, email me.

I’ll work with you on the wording and the delivery.

I’ll help perfect the punchlines and punctuate with pauses.

And together, we’ll ensure your best man speech nerves are a thing of the past.

Colin Stone is Communications Lead (and a Best Man For Hire) at Pink Elephant in Glasgow.

Read more about him here.

Photos in Best man speech nerves blog by Colin Stone, Pink Elephant Communications and Daniel Morrison on Flickr.
Best man speech nerves blog written by Colin Stone.
Best man speech nerves blog edited by Andrew McFarlan.